It can be exceptionally hard to write a hit song, especially if it has, you know, words and stuff. What happens when you don’t have anything left to say, but you know your melody rules and bears repeating?

Simple: you whistle. You whistle your ass off. Regardless of whether or not you think whistling in a pop/rock tune is a songwriting cop-out, it can be an incredibly effective way to get even the most tone-def of listeners to “sing” along, since almost everyone thinks they can whistle just fine. They can’t, by the way.

So put those lips together and blow as we present our picks for the ten wettest whistles in rock history. (In no particular order. Go easy on the hate mail.)

“Patience” by Guns N’ Roses
Axl’s second most famous ballad gets off to a great start with a masterful, minute-long whistle, only to eventually turn into another screaming match with Slash. But you have to hand it to him — his foreshadowing is fucking amazing. When’s that new GNR record coming out again?
Mp3: “Patience”

“Don’t Worry, Be Happy” by Bobby McFerrin
This annoying piece of Polyanna piss proves that legendary jazz vocalist Bobby McFerrin wasn’t always such a classy guy. And how about the fact that he goes fakin’ Jamaican with this bullshit accent? Oh, he’s from an island alright… called Manhattan. Dick. Helluva whistler, though.
Mp3: “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”

“The Stranger” by Billy Joel
No one knows why a guy as unafraid of words as Billy Joel would intro AND outro this white boy funky rock jam with such a long-winded whistle. Perhaps he was saving those missing lyrics for that epic turd about not starting fires. Or talking his way out of a DUI.
Mp3: “The Stranger”

“Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard” by Paul Simon
Rhymin’ Simon delivered this joyful ode to Corona, Queens on his first album after telling Garfunkel to get off his coattails and try writing his own fucking songs for a change. Extra points for actually working the whistling bit into the tune as a bridge.
Mp3: “Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard”

“Centerfold” by J. Geils Band
This frathouse staple gives listeners the rare rock song cliché double dip, first bludgeoning them with an infectious “na-na” post-chorus, then finishing ‘em off with a slick whistle refrain. One of the few songs with equal appeal to New Wave fogies and date rapists alike. You cannot resist.
Mp3: “Centerfold”

“(Sittin’ On) The Dock of the Bay” by Otis Redding
Talk about going out with a bang; Otis Redding recorded this instant classic a mere three days before dying in a fateful plane crash. Coming from a man with one of the most powerful soul voices ever, the carefree ending whistle is touching and timeless.
Mp3: “(Sittin’ On) The Dock of the Bay”

“Two of Us” by The Beatles
Though it sounds an awful lot like a tearful send off to the Lennon/McCartney partnership, the first cut off the last Beatles record was actually written for Linda Eastman prior to her marrying Paul, proving once again that girls ruin everything.
Mp3:“Two of Us”

“Wind of Change” by Scorpions
Considering singer Klaus Meine’s questionable English pronunciation skills, it’s no wonder they started this socio-political metal ballad off with the international language of song, the whistle. Interestingly, it’s the best-selling song ever in Germany. Take that Hasselhoff.
Mp3: “Wind of Change”

“Games Without Frontiers” by Peter Gabriel
A strange, groovy gem from a strange, groovy songwriter. Not only does it feature a prominent whistle part, but Gabriel gets profound by singing about whistling while he’s whistling. That beats singing about drums while drumming, which proves once and for all that Gabriel pwns Phil Collins.
Mp3: “Games Without Frontiers”

“Jealous Guy” by John Lennon
Great song, shitty whistle. It’s just jammed right there in the middle of the verses, probably because he was dreaming of something else. But by virtue of his writing about four hundred other fantastic songs filled with poignant lyrics, we’ll give him a pass.
Mp3: “Jealous Guy”

EXTRA SPECIAL BONUS WHISTLE:

“Walk Like an Egyptian” by The Bangles
Shitty song, great whistle. If it is indeed a whistle. Kinda sounds like a crappy Yamaha keyboard patch, but chances are the patch is called “Whistle 1A,” so we’re letting it slide.

Mp3: “Walk Like an Egyptian”

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